Let the heart bleed its troubles,
for the mind will heal the wounds.
If gathering the courage to ask someone out is difficult, then dating that person must have its own special place in hell.
This new skin of awkwardness, enveloping her every move, made her rethink each time she was about to say something.
Things had been so much easier before.
Before, when she had a reason to talk late into the night.
Before, when nervousness was a thrill in itself, the suspense of his next words a constant puzzle.
Before, when she tried to hint in the slightest ways that she liked him.
Before, when she told him things about herself no one knew, simply because she wanted to.
But didn’t all that change now? This new identity they had together, does it not demand for secrets to be out in the open? For them to share every naked detail about themselves, despite how they feel about it?
Or rather, how she felt about it.
Well, here was the first secret she wanted to share–
She wasn’t ready for that.
Sometimes, she liked her walks lonely and quiet, her jacket not warm enough. Sometimes, the sound of the breeze is too loud, and her soul craves solitude, a midnight seclusion that helps her stay sane.
As her cup gets freckled with dews of perspiration, and the coffee inside somewhere between hot and cold, she would count those who really mattered, and realise that they didn’t completely engage even five fingers.
Sometimes, she needed to think about the truth like that.
Her mind raced with doubts that were not even given a chance to rise, scaring her senseless into the one question that truly racked her mind–
Were they meant to be together?
But wasn’t she the one who taught him to accept today as it comes? To let tomorrow be what it really is- tomorrow, and face whatever it gives us– together.
And so, she asked herself the question that she should have asked a long time back, which was more important than all her worries, the reason behind her erratic heart, combined–
Did it matter today?
No. Absolutely not.